so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Randomize
