I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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