But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
