if you like me you must not know who I am
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I fill condoms, not promises.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
