So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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