This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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