I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
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