Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Me too!
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
