rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
