Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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