what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
