guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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