Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
