My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
