Me. At least after what I've been through.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
whose parrot is this?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
