im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
