I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
