I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
