dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I just want to make out with him forever
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
