i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
