You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
