your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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