in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
