why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I got inside last night via doggy door
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
