Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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