his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
