oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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