I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
