Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
