i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
