look no pants
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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