Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
