hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Pants are for mortals
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
