Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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