i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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