Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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