Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
