AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
