His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
