Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
