Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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