Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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