i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
