I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
