yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
