Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.

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(904): View more from Florida

at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot

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(914): View more from New York

We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.

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(417): View more from Missouri

on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.

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(803): View more from South Carolina

What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.

(1-724): View more from Pennsylvania

I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction

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(916): View more from California

And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??

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