Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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