How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
