He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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