i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
So apparently I’m into choking now
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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